Comments on: My favorite terms from The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit 2008 — Part 1 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/ Improving the human experience one day at a time Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:24:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: C. Finnegan http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-7932 C. Finnegan Wed, 18 May 2011 03:20:42 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-7932 I've always found the simple phrase "human resources" to be particularly grating. What are resources? They are available supplies to be drawn upon when needed. Inanimate stuff. Wood, iron, coal, uranium, copper, oil, salt, sulfur, water--these are examples of natural resources. In the corporate world, resources are business function supplies: Machinery, paper, equipment, fuel, computers, calculators, charts, wiring, etc. More inanimate items. Now, the companies come along with the term "human resources". Isn't that cute? Instead of paper clips, they're people! I don't care for the idea of being thought of as a "human resource". I'm not some zinc deposit in the Dakotas. I'm a human being. "Human resource" strikes me as the kind of term the corporate world dreamed up to forget that you're a person. They don't care if your mother has pancreatic cancer, or if your back pain is getting worse. You're a cartridge. If you burn out, they throw you in the trash and get a new cartridge to take your place. That's what you do with machinery these days. You replace it when it burns out. Using the term "human resources" merely congratulates a company for distancing itself from the needs of its employees. And that's normally the function of the "human resources" department--to tell you where the boundaries are. There's so much that companies won't do for their employees anymore, they have to have a team of flunkies to keep track of it all. That's your "human resources" department. If you have any further questions, feel free to speak to any of the company's human resource directors. They're here to help! I’ve always found the simple phrase “human resources” to be particularly grating. What are resources? They are available supplies to be drawn upon when needed. Inanimate stuff. Wood, iron, coal, uranium, copper, oil, salt, sulfur, water–these are examples of natural resources. In the corporate world, resources are business function supplies: Machinery, paper, equipment, fuel, computers, calculators, charts, wiring, etc. More inanimate items. Now, the companies come along with the term “human resources”. Isn’t that cute? Instead of paper clips, they’re people! I don’t care for the idea of being thought of as a “human resource”. I’m not some zinc deposit in the Dakotas. I’m a human being. “Human resource” strikes me as the kind of term the corporate world dreamed up to forget that you’re a person. They don’t care if your mother has pancreatic cancer, or if your back pain is getting worse. You’re a cartridge. If you burn out, they throw you in the trash and get a new cartridge to take your place. That’s what you do with machinery these days. You replace it when it burns out. Using the term “human resources” merely congratulates a company for distancing itself from the needs of its employees. And that’s normally the function of the “human resources” department–to tell you where the boundaries are. There’s so much that companies won’t do for their employees anymore, they have to have a team of flunkies to keep track of it all. That’s your “human resources” department. If you have any further questions, feel free to speak to any of the company’s human resource directors. They’re here to help!

]]> By: Caitlin http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3198 Caitlin Thu, 26 Feb 2009 22:32:29 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3198 How about evangelize? I feel like I need to make a disclaimer every time someone asks me to evangelize something. What's wrong with just showing it around? :-) How about evangelize? I feel like I need to make a disclaimer every time someone asks me to evangelize something. What's wrong with just showing it around? :-)

]]> By: Dave Menges http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3169 Dave Menges Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:26:19 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3169 Scalable <br>The version that we sell is so anemic and wimpy that you will gladly pay anything to get an upgrade. Scalable
The version that we sell is so anemic and wimpy that you will gladly pay anything to get an upgrade.

]]> By: David http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3165 David Sun, 22 Feb 2009 21:26:37 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3165 I've been trying to figure out what "solutions" are supposed to be. ;) I've been trying to figure out what “solutions” are supposed to be. ;)

]]> By: daveferrick http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3151 daveferrick Fri, 20 Feb 2009 17:54:53 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3151 It's a bit OT but I'm consistently amazed by the attention a single slide of a presentation can garner. You could show a slide with the text "Some foxes are red" in a large black font with a white background for 20 minutes and more than half of the meeting attendees will start at it for the entire duration. <br><br>Can we come up with a term for that? PowerPointosis? It's a bit OT but I'm consistently amazed by the attention a single slide of a presentation can garner. You could show a slide with the text “Some foxes are red” in a large black font with a white background for 20 minutes and more than half of the meeting attendees will start at it for the entire duration.

Can we come up with a term for that? PowerPointosis?

]]> By: Whitney Hess http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3150 Whitney Hess Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:03:37 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3150 Not in any of the page-a-day calendars that I can find, but there was this entry in the book:<br><br>THIS WILL BE REFLECTED IN YOUR BONUS<br>1. A statement from a manager indicating that an employee's year-end bonus will be positively influenced by their high performance on an individual project at another point in the fiscal year...the corporate equivalent of a dangling carrot. Not in any of the page-a-day calendars that I can find, but there was this entry in the book:

THIS WILL BE REFLECTED IN YOUR BONUS
1. A statement from a manager indicating that an employee's year-end bonus will be positively influenced by their high performance on an individual project at another point in the fiscal year…the corporate equivalent of a dangling carrot.

]]> By: Whitney Hess http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3149 Whitney Hess Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:44:37 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3149 I did a little research for you and though it wasn't in my 2008 calendar, it *is* in the 2009 one! (Spoiler alert!)<br><br><h3>LEVERAGE</h3><br>1. To hype the strengths of an organization, plan, or business partnership. 2. To fool people into thinking what’s being offered is better, or more desirable, than it really is. Anything, particularly intangibles, can be leveraged: talent, resources, global networks, relationships, brands, or brand recognition. It’s a word spoken far too frequently and, at best, only vaguely understood by all who deliver and hear it.<br><h4>Saturday, July 18, 2009</h4> I did a little research for you and though it wasn't in my 2008 calendar, it *is* in the 2009 one! (Spoiler alert!)

<h3>LEVERAGE</h3>
1. To hype the strengths of an organization, plan, or business partnership. 2. To fool people into thinking what’s being offered is better, or more desirable, than it really is. Anything, particularly intangibles, can be leveraged: talent, resources, global networks, relationships, brands, or brand recognition. It’s a word spoken far too frequently and, at best, only vaguely understood by all who deliver and hear it.
<h4>Saturday, July 18, 2009</h4>

]]> By: Lance Cookson http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3148 Lance Cookson Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:09:58 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3148 Was leverage on the calendar? That word makes me want to quote Inigo Montoya every time I hear it used. Was leverage on the calendar? That word makes me want to quote Inigo Montoya every time I hear it used.

]]> By: Aaron Irizarry http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3147 Aaron Irizarry Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:56:06 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3147 holy geeze that whiteboard one is spot on for the company I work at. I also hear the terms solution, rigorous thrown around pretty loosely. holy geeze that whiteboard one is spot on for the company I work at. I also hear the terms solution, rigorous thrown around pretty loosely.

]]> By: Gabby http://whitneyhess.com/blog/2009/02/20/my-favorite-terms-from-the-dictionary-of-corporate-bullshit-2008-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3146 Gabby Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:21:14 +0000 http://whitneyhess.com/blog/?p=1016#comment-3146 I'm putting in a vote for 'high-performance' which is thrown around to instill a sense of failure and fear in typical workers. I'm putting in a vote for 'high-performance' which is thrown around to instill a sense of failure and fear in typical workers.

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